Apology For The Female Pleasure

This article treats of a subject still enough taboo, at least in France, the female pleasure. The goal is to give the sexual pleasure of the woman to the center of the debate distorted on the erotism and sexuality in general..

“One holds a man by the belly and the stomach”. This proverb of grandmother is still deeply anchored in the spirits of many women who are, often unconsciously, the accomplices of their positioning in sex object for the man, considered in an archetypal way.

We will explore, during this article, some of through “unconscious sexual collective” and will see how female sexuality can become dull, even unpleasant, or on the contrary abnormally unslung, when a certain number of unconscious factors arise in the psychic representations of the woman and the man.

It is not question of making here lawsuit of one or other of the sexes, because any generalization in this field would be a coarse error, but rather to give in prospect in a clear and sometimes explicit way the responsibilities for each one in the representation and the practice of sexuality. The goal first of this article is, in this direction, to give elements so that the people annoyed with sexuality find the hope of a healthy access of the sexual thing.

The archetypal man seen by feminism

We will begin this talk with a small analysis of the unconscious current female collective, that of the women of generation 65-80 . This unconscious collective starts with an archetypal vision of the man which has the good taste to be the intersection between the feminist representation of the man like “assoiffĂ©e animal of sex” and the representation of the generation of the parents of the “babies boomers” of the man “who goes to the whores and the bar as soon as it has three pennies”.

The archetypal man is seen by the feminist eye like the “male”. Caricatured to the extreme, the man is represented like a “machine with kissing”, to take again the expression, quite disturbing, because of eating – symbolically “to fill” – and of the “stomach” – sex – the men are represented as worried mainly by eating and making love. Moreover, the common manner for the man to make love, it, is also represented in a caricatural way in the feminist vision like the act aiming at “emptying” the testicles, not to employ other coarser formulas.

The man must make love “to relieve himself”, which explains the pressure that the men continuously exert on the women for obtaining their sexual favors. The woman is obliged, in this mode of representations, to transform itself into a sex object allowing the man to appease her lowest impulses, this last becoming absent since the “belly” or the “stomach” is not concerned any more (education of the children, tasks domestic, etc). The man is seen like a “animal”.

This archetypal representation has advantages (and it is for these advantages that it was hawked) but it has also many disadvantages whose majority appear invisible to the members of the feminist currents themselves.

Advantages of the representation of the archetypal man

The use of the nuance passes the lapse of memory of all the formulas of the type: “all X are like that. As regards sexuality, it is obligatory to moderate if one does not want to say many stupid things.

The archetypal representation of the “stupid man” has for objector to protect a certain number of girls from the unverifiable desires of the men. This representation has, indeed, the “advantage” of describing rather well a certain category of men. For the latter indeed, sexuality is the principal heart of the concerns and the simple fact “of leaving” with a woman necessarily implies that the latter accepts, afterwards explicit summations or implicit psychological pressures, to accept many and frequent sexual “attacks” .

In this caricatural representation, it is the immense selfishness of the man who is described like monstrous, selfishness which perverts the sexual intercourse with the woman to make of it only one research of the satisfaction of the male pleasure, without consideration for the pleasure of the woman, but also without consideration for its pain, which is immensely more serious.

Problems involved in the archetypal representation of the man

We will expose two great types of problems which the women can have if they sufficiently interiorized the archetypal representation of the man like”assoiffe of sex”.

The first great type of problem is the difficulty, for the majority of them, to recognize a different man. Because to interiorize the male caricature amounts projecting on all the men the phantom of sexual bestiality. It is thus an act which has as a nature to deform reality insofar as all the men are suspects to be “animals”

It results from it a chronic suspicion on behalf of certain women who are not able “to believe” only the man that they have opposite it does not wish only to use them like a sex object. This vision of the relations man woman can quickly pose a problem of stability of the relation, fact even of the woman and her erroneous vision of the man. Concretely, the latter will be on its guards, and will wait the moment when “the man reveals himself finally”, generally to flee it. Of course, the following man, after the “beautiful phase” of the “beginning”, will wake up, in it, the same type of behaviors of mistrust and often the same exit.

This relation with the man can easily turn to certain paranoiac waiting on behalf of the woman finally “to be deceived” and degraded, and a satisfaction with the being if by chance does it arrives (masochism). Generally, a sexual traumatism is responsible for this tendency to the deformation of reality (rape, incest, marital sexual violence’s passed, etc).

The archetypal representation of the man as a assoiffee animal of sex is thus a convenient means for these women traumatized to project the evil which was made to them by projecting their fear on all the men. This behavior is a traditional feature of the “defense” of the neurosis which prefers to install mechanisms of escape instead of starting psychoanalytical work necessary to reabsorb the traumatism .

The second consequence of this archetypal sight of the bestial man is, it, much more pernicious, insofar as it is very widespread and strongly serves the women in the fact of assuming or of wanting to assume their pleasure.
Indeed, for much of women, the man is always in authority to become a assoiffée animal of sex (we will see some elements further from male libido to clarify this established fact). In a sense, these women took only the bad side of the feminist claim, in addition very legitimate in much of dimensions.

Behind this acquired behavior, one indicates notes of fatalism, of discouragement a priori, at the same time as for a presupposed nature of the man, and as for a devalorization of oneself seen like inevitable, and hidden by the sentences of “I cannot say to him not”, “I cannot resist to him”, or “I do not dare”, “I will make him sorrow”, etc the fear is, latent always there, a fear which can not be not in adequacy with reality.

This play distorts, of course, completely gives it between the two partners, going even, sometimes, until causing the appearance of abusive behaviors at the men themselves! While conditioning itself to give these prerogatives to the men, the women scorn themselves in the name of an archetypal representation of the sexuality in which the man is the caricatural monster. This position serves at the most point the woman who while positioning as a sex object, invites the man with use her body as a sex object. We are in full vicious circle.

One then finds women of which the representation of the man seems to date from last century and is made a priori obligatory mixture of respect, fear and sexual tender. If it is difficult for these women to leave their neurosis inherited to perceive a different reality, it is very complex for them to be authorized to have desire, and consequently, pleasure.

The femme fatale, negative prototype of the bestial man

A certain number of women believe to solve the vicious circle of a seemingly protective female conditioning but actually subjected, by making sexual higher bid, i.e. while wanting to play with the men on their own ground, that is to say the ground of the instrumentalisation of the other.

Let us note that this approach of sexuality is as neurotic as that of the man “animals of sex” .The femme fatale accepts the instrumentalisation of her own body under certain conditions, in particular when it subjects the men. Because, which it accepts, at the bottom, it is to be the first and the only one with instrumentaliser its own body for its own desires.

It is seen here that, far from being a “released woman” sexually speaking, it is a woman who interiorized so deeply the state of woman object who it is the first to be degraded with respect to itself. What one can wish of better with his wives is to fall in love with a man who refuses these plays of domination, even if it means to place the woman in front of her own contradictions.Most of the time intelligent, even cerebral, it can choose partners who are not too “dangerous”, or whose capacity of resistance does not exceed its own capacities of domination. It generally endorses a very male libido in its regularity and replaces

Master in the relation man woman. One could wonder besides which type of orgasms the femme fatale can know, the female pleasure being more one pleasure obtained in a state of confidence, even of abandonment. In a state of domination, intellect is still too sharp to allow the abandonment the real power of the orgasm and a general way, with the rise of the pleasure. Thus, one can suspecter at the femme fatale of problems of the orgasmic type.T.

The schizophrenic man

We will be allocated to the men and will try to leave the extreme prototypes whom we have just seen, at the same time at the man and the woman. Because, it should be admitted, the male tendency (as female) to limit the relation man woman to a purely sexual relation (in the broad sense of the term) is, altogether, rather rare. We will note moreover than it does not correspond, in spite of what one could believe, with the prototype of the Gift Juan, on which we will return.

One finds rather, at most of the men, a quasi schizophrenic approach of sexuality. The man seems to oscillate between two states: “satisfied” and “in request”. If the “satisfied” man is calm and has his own stable personality, the man “in lack of sex” seems to cover one second personality only focused on the continuation of his sexual desire.

The man “in lack” then seems “inhabited”, “had” and the majority of the civilized behaviors that one usually notes at his place, seem to be reduced. Thus, the majority of the women know these strange behaviors of the man which want to say “make love” without the statement or with periphrases worthy of largest of imaginations.The majority of the women are often badly at ease in front of this male pressure, and it is enough that the woman interiorized this caricatural notion of the man so that it yields in advance of the man, believing herself forced, or “to give pleasure”, or “because it is like that”, or “because if not, he will not like me any more”, etc the female pleasure being more complex than the male pleasure, the woman, in this aculeate situation, seldom takes pleasure, or at least takes a “basic” pleasure most of the time.

Male libido

The evolution of the libido of the man is rather simple in his general structure. According to the men, one could be interested in the concept of time limits, maximum time between two “ejaculations” in a perfect world, that is to say without strong external stimulation except his partner.

This time, except perfect world, depends on many factors, in particular the “external” excitations of consumption type of pornography. It during, generally (and under identical conditions), it would seem that each man has a rather regular time, even if one could note seasonal variations (spring, summer).

The male libido could be seen as a pressure which goes up in a pressure cooker. As soon as the pressure becomes sufficiently strong, the stopper of the casserole starts to turn and the man is in a state in which the sexual need becomes very present, often unconsciously besides. The majority of the men look at more the women in this state and go until detailing, often rather coarse manner, their anatomy more than they would usually do it.

When the man ejaculated after having made love (the capacity of the masturbation on sexual satisfaction appears less strong), the pressure cooker was opened, Re-filled of water and setting on fire. The pressure will take usual time to go up.

The incompatibility of the libidos

At the woman on the other hand, the cycle of the libido is copied on the menstrual cycle with a point of the libido around the periods of ovulations for the majority of the women. At the majority of them, the period of the rules is one period if not of “not libido” at least of strong reduction in the libido.One will be able to note that the two cycles of libidos of the man and the woman are not compatible a priori. That explains why the inattentive man with his partner will tend to project on his partner the regularity of his own sexual desires, being able to cause at it, a certain irritation. Indeed, the majority of the women being rather discrete as for their menstrual cycle, the rises and falls structural of the female libido can be interpreted wrongfully like a female inconsistency by the inattentive man.

Certain behaviors are to be in particular avoided that where, under the pressure of the libidinous man, the woman yields. The consequence of this behavior is to authorize the man, implicitly, to order in a unilateral way the sex act of the couple, authorization which becomes quickly, with time, a “right asset” of the man on the woman. Often unable to call into question this “right asset” built during the first months of the relation, the woman sees herself forced to undergo. If she loves the man, she will tend to simulate, if she discovers that she does not like it, she will leave it if she has sufficient energy or will remain in sexual misery in the contrary case.

These obligations turning quickly to the ritual, the libido of the woman can decrease until knowing a certain progressive insensitivity which can sometimes turn to the dislike. The sex act “obligatory” will become one day the great subject of rancor within the couple At will incorporate the dissatisfactions of like other.Of course, if the woman refuses all the time under the pressure of the libidinous man, it is the man who, one day, plugged by his sexual instincts, will tend to be will be attracted by other women. The literature is filled up of this kind of stories on which I will not be delayed.

All occurs like if the couple, during the prelude to the sexual intercourse were distributed the roles: the man having the role to ask and the woman having often the role to say “yes” or “not”.

To find an area of agreement

Of course, it is necessary to find an area of agreement in the couple so that the sexual intercourse finds their place in largest and the most total agreement. It should be still said still and, the sexual intercourse especially within a framework of love between the two partners, should be a shared pleasure. If it is not the case and that some element comes to disturb this common pleasure, it is necessary to stop the act in order to draw with light what in order to will not make a shared pleasure of it.

That starts with the communication before the act, and if one needs it during the sex act itself. Before the act, logic would like that the libido of the woman controls the sexual intercourse, because the libido of the man being regular, if the man controls the sexual intercourse, it is likely to fall into a low phase from the female libido. However, the female pleasure being what it is, any pressure upstream of the sex act can show Nona pleasure at the woman – or at least a pleasure nonorgasmic.

The man must thus put the question of what it seeks: does it seek its own pleasure, its clean “right” by stimulating the unconscious female collective on the question of the “marital duty” or seeks it the shared pleasure? In the second case, it must let the woman be expressed.

Net the act in full medium. The game is worth the candle if there is a problem, in particular a faintness relating to the role, or any other “technical” point purely. It is not good a posteriori of debriefed to announce its pains sexual but them while they arrive, so that the man develops this sensitivity to the female pleasure.

This communication between the partners must be established in a great transparency and not in a substitute of communication. It is thus necessary to avoid simulations of listening resulting from an egoistic pleasure. Of course, the result of listening is the action even the modification of the behaviors. If the man can lose his “traditional sexual prerogatives there”, it can gain a partner there.The communication in the sexual couple is very important because the sexual ground has that of private individual that bad experiments can be quickly traumatisantes. Obviously, young people are the victims, most serious are the traumatisms.

Moreover sexual traumatisms “often lock” other former traumatisms and worsen the infantile neuroses.Because, the majority of the people having had sexual intercourse traumatisantes remain the women (the sexual traumatism is indeed rarer among boys heterosexuals . The man penetrates, and the woman is penetrated, which explains why the distribution of the traumatisms. It is more traumatisant to be made penetrate to penetrate, and the men consuming of the pornography should remember some a little more often.

Elements on the female pleasure

The author not being a woman, we excuse ourselves from the start to have only one idea “external” of the female pleasure and not a lived experiment of the interior of this pleasure. Thus, we will make our not to better say too many silly things nor to try to say more than we do not think dementionner without risk good.

Contrary to the male pleasure, the female pleasure is a complex alchemy. The same woman, according to her interior state, her mood, her state of tiredness, stress, the moment of her cycle, etc, can react in a different way to the same stimuli. This observation is important for the men who consider that to make love is a shared pleasure. Indeed, even if the woman likes usually certain things or positions, it may be that the way of which she likes them is not the same one today as yesterday. It thus required there at the man to adapt to his partner who, if she can theoretically have several orgasms in the same sexual intercourse, would often like to have of them already one each time, which is far from being the case.

If a woman is too intellectual, it will generally need a longer preparation to make it leave an inevitable thought which comes “to look at and analyze” when the pleasure goes up and which tends to kill it. The cerebral woman does not like to lose control and it is often because of its fear of the man. The intellectual women and “controlling” thus have more often than the other women of the problems to reach the orgasm – if they ever reached it.

To educate against the fear

To put the female pleasure at the center of the sexual intercourse, to work so that the woman has an always renewed pleasure, here which could be the creed of the attentive man, nonarchetypal man, educated with sexuality and opened with the pleasure of its partner, conscious that the sexual experiment must be undertaken in a way responsible with an aim of shared pleasure and respect for the female libido. The discovery of the pleasure of the woman being, in itself, a pleasure always renewed to the thousand and one variations, us them men, let us defend the female pleasure.